Thursday, November 19, 2009

'Stargazing' Is No Longer A Credit Course At Dickinson State University.

I suppose you heard about the three young ladies (softball players) who drowned while out for a nighttime stargazing ride in their Jeep. They were driving through fields and, went through some tall grass and bushes that hid a pond.
Fuckin' Women Drivers.
They couldn't hit a tree? They couldn't hit a hydro pole? They couldn't hit another person?
No, they hit a goddamn pond.
I can just see them bitching at each other, "Why the fuck did you drive into a fucking pond?", as they were sinking; frantically calling friends instead of 911.
Imagine what the divers saw when they looked through the windows to see what was inside the sunken vehicle. Three chicks, eyes popping out of their heads with mouths wide open. Kinda like those blow-up fuck dolls of yesteryear.
Are you telling me these guys didn't have a baseball bat somewhere in that Jeep that they could have used to break a window and escape?
By the way, 'Stargazing' is no longer a credit course at Dickinson State University.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Wrong Place, Right Time...

One day last week, I was in the wrong place at the right time. I stumbled upon a big bag of weed, a loaded 9mm handgun and a dead guy laying in the alley.
A couple of days later, I was in the right place at the wrong time. We had meatloaf for dinner at my parents' place. I hate meatloaf.
I should have been there for lunch because my mother made grilled cheese sandwiches and I love grilled cheese sandwiches.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

7-Eleven To Sell Cars?

"Oh Thank Heaven for 7-Eleven." That's what one of the auto industry's manufacturers could be saying in the near future.

It's true. 7-Eleven is toying with the idea of selling cars at its convenience store locations. And, why not? Many locations have the space, the auto market is improving and dealerships are closing up faster than Joe C. Thompson could stock bread and milk at the old Southland Ice Company. (Joe started the whole convenience store thing back in 1927. His SIC became The Southland Corporation in the 1930's and changed to 7-Eleven, Inc. in 1999.)

This is one of those ideas that just might work. GM is closing 2300 (about 39%) of their dealerships and Chrysler is closing 789 (about 25%) of theirs. For 7-Eleven to join in makes sense. The ubiquitous convenience store retailer can fill in a lot of the gaps left by those dealership closures. (The reduction in overhead costs will also play a role in the decision.)
And what about the Japanese? Perhaps Toyota or Honda could be the car maker of choice for 7-Eleven dealerships. Believe it or not, Japan has more 7-Eleven outlets than anywhere else in the world. And, a Japanese company, Seven & I Holdings Co., became the parent company of 7-Eleven in November, 2005. They run it as a wholly-owned subsidiary.

Sources close to the discussions indicated that only the U.S. market is being studied. Expansion to other markets could happen if the U.S. tests come back positive.

Joseph M. DePinto, President and CEO of 7-Eleven, Inc. is said to have given his blessing to exploring this diverse business move.

Calls made to 7-Eleven, GM, Chrysler, Honda and Toyota were not returned.

There are more than 36 300 7-Eleven outlets worldwide; 5 800 in the U.S. and 12 300 in Japan. The opportunity exists, but does the risk outweigh any potential gains that could bloom from this venture? Let's wait and see.

Monday, August 24, 2009

KFC's New 'Double Down' Chicken Sandwich

Have you heard of it yet? This masterpiece consists of two chicken fillets sandwiching Swiss and pepperjack cheeses, bacon and the 'Colonel's' sauce. I didn't mention a bun because there is no bun. A Canadian newspaper estimates that it weighs in at 1 228 calories, but KFC has the caloric count at "just under 600". The final nutritional data is not in yet.
It is currently being tested in Omaha, Neb. and Providence, R.I.
It is actually called the KFC Double Down Burger and it looks incredible. I am such a chicken fan and deep-fried fillets (the healthiest cut) are my favorite. I am contemplating driving 5 hours to get one but, I will probably just wait until they are sold in my city (or nearby). To those out there who feel it is a bad idea to bring out such a product when America is so fat, let people eat what they want. I'll drink a glass of milk with mine, if it will shut you up.
And why is everyone complaining that the chicken is the bun? KFC is concerned about our collective health and decided to do away with the bread. Thanks, KFC.
And what about the guy/gal who eats a 3-piece meal? Or has a bucket for dinner with the family and eats 4 pieces, fries, gravy, coleslaw, pop and a piece of cake?

Friday, August 21, 2009

Some rhetorical questions.

What would the world be like if we burped out of our assholes and farted out of our mouths?

Do you have to be married to be a 'sex addict'? It sure looks that way.

Do you know what I learned from watching Tiger Woods' press conference yesterday? He should lose some weight and he should always wear a baseball cap to cover up that fucked up head and receding hairline. His forehead is gaining on Rihanna's and Mark McGwire's.

Does every girl in America have a naked picture of themselves on the internet? Not that they planned it that way. Just ended up on the 'net and that'll bite 'em in the ass one day.

Why do 'emo' girls (whatever that is?) feel the need to fuck their faces up when they are taking nude pictures of themselves (a lot of the time with girlfriends) in the mirror? And, do they not know the mirror is usually pretty dirty and the pictures have a pretty good chance of winding up on the internet? (Amazing how a whole group of impressionable, dumb girls scrunch their lips up because it is a trend. They are like sheep. Yeah, we followed trends as kids, just not ones that made us look stupid.)

Did you know that my cock thinks it is black?

Don't you think the people on 'Teen Mom' eat out a lot? And, I don't think they have a lot of money. I can't remember if they ate out a lot on '16 and Pregnant'.

Do you think Mark McGwire has a bigger forehead than Rihanna?

Do you think Stephen Hawking is faking it? I think he just comes across as real smart because he looks so fucked up. I little coherence goes a long way when you're a vegetable (or look like one).

Do you think Nike would have been as successful if they used the slogan "Go on, give it a try." instead of "Just Do It."?

Why do I have to wash my hands after I take a piss, but a chick will go down on me without hesitation or so much as a drop of Purell?

Is 40 really the new 20? 'Cause I thought 30 was the new 20 and 40 was the new 30. (I am really good at math.) What about anal? Is anal the new vaginal? Are guns the new knives? Are guns the new fists? Who started this whole 40-30-20 shit anyhow? I don't care, but when I fuck a 20 year-old, she can be 40, 30 or really 20. I am just horny. Pass it on.

Is it just me or is Rihanna starting to look like a rooster? A bit of advice to her: cover that billboard you call a forehead.

Why do they say "All men are created equal", when this is not true? I don't care what Thomas Jefferson says.
All men are not created equal, but all men should be treated equal.

When was the last time you heard someone say, "Shake 'em baby, you won't break 'em."? Yeah, it's been a long time. Ladies, for our (men's) sake, shake 'em once in a while.

Did you know that Subway has prepaid sub cards? And they have had them for about 3 years now. (I just found out.) The only person that I can think of who eats enough Subway sandwiches to warrant a prepaid, reloadable sub card is Jared Fogle.

How many more cell phones are the manufacturers going to make and how many more are the sheep going to buy?

What's with Katy Perry? I don't know what she did, but she is blessed with some absolutely unattractive physical features. No hair-do can fix that face.

Have you gone into a McDonald's lately? How things have changed. I can't even find a goddamn hamburger on the menu.

Why the (somewhat) recent use of the term 'binge drinking'? I have always known it simply as 'drinking' (without the apostrophes).

Why did the term 'Freshman 15' (referring to weight gain in your first year of college/university) not exist when I went to post-secondary school?

Does anyone ever eat a bologna sandwich on whole wheat bread? And, if they did, would that be right?

Did you notice that shows the numbers for the Dow, NASDAQ and S & P, while shows the numbers for the S&P/TSX (not to be confused with the S&P on, the Dow Jones and the Canadian dollar vs. the U.S. dollar? That's not fair to the Canadians, but, fuck 'em for being insignificant.

Do any guys out there ever suffer from 'mature' ejaculation? And, if they do, what is it?

Did you know that my girfriend has not shaved her pussy in, like, 4 years? That's because I do it. You should try it.

Did Alecia Moore make a good decision? I don't think so. I would have went with 'Taco' instead of 'Pink', had I chosen a career in music. Then again, I am just craving Mexican right now.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Octomom. If they had a baby.

If Fiona Apple and Alanis Morissette had a baby, they'd end up with Nadya Denise Doud-Suleman Gutierrez.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Irony, Nude Photos.

I think the irony of the whole Michael Jackson "thing" is that his eldest son is so God-damned cute.
If I was a pedophile, I would probably want to fuck him.

When is Brian Austin Green gonna release the naked pictures he took of Megan Fox during their 6-year relationship? We know he has some. And, we know he has alot of money from his years on Beverly Hills 90210, but, please Brian, give us your photos of Megan...her cooch shots, titties, full body nude, provocative poses...perhaps, some BJ shots.
Is he not a vengeful, jealous ex? If not, he should be. We'd appreciate it.