Barney Stellar Says...

'Stargazing' Is No Longer A Credit Course At Dickinson State University.

2009-11-19T09:46:00.000-08:00

I suppose you heard about the three young ladies (softball players) who drowned while out for a nighttime stargazing ride in their Jeep. They were driving through fields and, went through some tall grass and bushes that hid a pond.
Fuckin' Women Drivers.
They couldn't hit a tree? They couldn't hit a hydro pole? They couldn't hit another person?
No, they hit a goddamn pond.
I can just see them bitching at each other, "Why the fuck did you drive into a fucking pond?", as they were sinking; frantically calling friends instead of 911.
Imagine what the divers saw when they looked through the windows to see what was inside the sunken vehicle. Three chicks, eyes popping out of their heads with mouths wide open. Kinda like those blow-up fuck dolls of yesteryear.
Are you telling me these guys didn't have a baseball bat somewhere in that Jeep that they could have used to break a window and escape?
By the way, 'Stargazing' is no longer a credit course at Dickinson State University.

Wrong Place, Right Time...

2009-11-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

One day last week, I was in the wrong place at the right time. I stumbled upon a big bag of weed, a loaded 9mm handgun and a dead guy laying in the alley.
A couple of days later, I was in the right place at the wrong time. We had meatloaf for dinner at my parents' place. I hate meatloaf.
I should have been there for lunch because my mother made grilled cheese sandwiches and I love grilled cheese sandwiches.

7-Eleven To Sell Cars?

2009-09-16T14:08:00.000-07:00

"Oh Thank Heaven for 7-Eleven." That's what one of the auto industry's manufacturers could be saying in the near future.

It's true. 7-Eleven is toying with the idea of selling cars at its convenience store locations. And, why not? Many locations have the space, the auto market is improving and dealerships are closing up faster than Joe C. Thompson could stock bread and milk at the old Southland Ice Company. (Joe started the whole convenience store thing back in 1927. His SIC became The Southland Corporation in the 1930's and changed to 7-Eleven, Inc. in 1999.)

This is one of those ideas that just might work. GM is closing 2300 (about 39%) of their dealerships and Chrysler is closing 789 (about 25%) of theirs. For 7-Eleven to join in makes sense. The ubiquitous convenience store retailer can fill in a lot of the gaps left by those dealership closures. (The reduction in overhead costs will also play a role in the decision.)
And what about the Japanese? Perhaps Toyota or Honda could be the car maker of choice for 7-Eleven dealerships. Believe it or not, Japan has more 7-Eleven outlets than anywhere else in the world. And, a Japanese company, Seven & I Holdings Co., became the parent company of 7-Eleven in November, 2005. They run it as a wholly-owned subsidiary.

Sources close to the discussions indicated that only the U.S. market is being studied. Expansion to other markets could happen if the U.S. tests come back positive.

Joseph M. DePinto, President and CEO of 7-Eleven, Inc. is said to have given his blessing to exploring this diverse business move.

Calls made to 7-Eleven, GM, Chrysler, Honda and Toyota were not returned.

There are more than 36 300 7-Eleven outlets worldwide; 5 800 in the U.S. and 12 300 in Japan. The opportunity exists, but does the risk outweigh any potential gains that could bloom from this venture? Let's wait and see.

KFC's New 'Double Down' Chicken Sandwich

2009-08-24T14:00:00.001-07:00

Have you heard of it yet? This masterpiece consists of two chicken fillets sandwiching Swiss and pepperjack cheeses, bacon and the 'Colonel's' sauce. I didn't mention a bun because there is no bun. A Canadian newspaper estimates that it weighs in at 1 228 calories, but KFC has the caloric count at "just under 600". The final nutritional data is not in yet.
It is currently being tested in Omaha, Neb. and Providence, R.I.
It is actually called the KFC Double Down Burger and it looks incredible. I am such a chicken fan and deep-fried fillets (the healthiest cut) are my favorite. I am contemplating driving 5 hours to get one but, I will probably just wait until they are sold in my city (or nearby). To those out there who feel it is a bad idea to bring out such a product when America is so fat, let people eat what they want. I'll drink a glass of milk with mine, if it will shut you up.
And why is everyone complaining that the chicken is the bun? KFC is concerned about our collective health and decided to do away with the bread. Thanks, KFC.
And what about the guy/gal who eats a 3-piece meal? Or has a bucket for dinner with the family and eats 4 pieces, fries, gravy, coleslaw, pop and a piece of cake?

Some rhetorical questions.

2009-08-21T13:56:00.000-07:00

What would the world be like if we burped out of our assholes and farted out of our mouths?

Do you have to be married to be a 'sex addict'? It sure looks that way.

Do you know what I learned from watching Tiger Woods' press conference yesterday? He should lose some weight and he should always wear a baseball cap to cover up that fucked up head and receding hairline. His forehead is gaining on Rihanna's and Mark McGwire's.

Does every girl in America have a naked picture of themselves on the internet? Not that they planned it that way. Just ended up on the 'net and that'll bite 'em in the ass one day.

Why do 'emo' girls (whatever that is?) feel the need to fuck their faces up when they are taking nude pictures of themselves (a lot of the time with girlfriends) in the mirror? And, do they not know the mirror is usually pretty dirty and the pictures have a pretty good chance of winding up on the internet? (Amazing how a whole group of impressionable, dumb girls scrunch their lips up because it is a trend. They are like sheep. Yeah, we followed trends as kids, just not ones that made us look stupid.)

Did you know that my cock thinks it is black?

Don't you think the people on 'Teen Mom' eat out a lot? And, I don't think they have a lot of money. I can't remember if they ate out a lot on '16 and Pregnant'.

Do you think Mark McGwire has a bigger forehead than Rihanna?

Do you think Stephen Hawking is faking it? I think he just comes across as real smart because he looks so fucked up. I little coherence goes a long way when you're a vegetable (or look like one).

Do you think Nike would have been as successful if they used the slogan "Go on, give it a try." instead of "Just Do It."?

Why do I have to wash my hands after I take a piss, but a chick will go down on me without hesitation or so much as a drop of Purell?

Is 40 really the new 20? 'Cause I thought 30 was the new 20 and 40 was the new 30. (I am really good at math.) What about anal? Is anal the new vaginal? Are guns the new knives? Are guns the new fists? Who started this whole 40-30-20 shit anyhow? I don't care, but when I fuck a 20 year-old, she can be 40, 30 or really 20. I am just horny. Pass it on.

Is it just me or is Rihanna starting to look like a rooster? A bit of advice to her: cover that billboard you call a forehead.

Why do they say "All men are created equal", when this is not true? I don't care what Thomas Jefferson says.
All men are not created equal, but all men should be treated equal.

When was the last time you heard someone say, "Shake 'em baby, you won't break 'em."? Yeah, it's been a long time. Ladies, for our (men's) sake, shake 'em once in a while.

Did you know that Subway has prepaid sub cards? And they have had them for about 3 years now. (I just found out.) The only person that I can think of who eats enough Subway sandwiches to warrant a prepaid, reloadable sub card is Jared Fogle.

How many more cell phones are the manufacturers going to make and how many more are the sheep going to buy?

What's with Katy Perry? I don't know what she did, but she is blessed with some absolutely unattractive physical features. No hair-do can fix that face.

Have you gone into a McDonald's lately? How things have changed. I can't even find a goddamn hamburger on the menu.

Why the (somewhat) recent use of the term 'binge drinking'? I have always known it simply as 'drinking' (without the apostrophes).

Why did the term 'Freshman 15' (referring to weight gain in your first year of college/university) not exist when I went to post-secondary school?

Does anyone ever eat a bologna sandwich on whole wheat bread? And, if they did, would that be right?

Did you notice that msn.com shows the numbers for the Dow, NASDAQ and S & P, while msn.ca shows the numbers for the S&P/TSX (not to be confused with the S&P on msn.com), the Dow Jones and the Canadian dollar vs. the U.S. dollar? That's not fair to the Canadians, but, fuck 'em for being insignificant.

Do any guys out there ever suffer from 'mature' ejaculation? And, if they do, what is it?

Did you know that my girfriend has not shaved her pussy in, like, 4 years? That's because I do it. You should try it.

Did Alecia Moore make a good decision? I don't think so. I would have went with 'Taco' instead of 'Pink', had I chosen a career in music. Then again, I am just craving Mexican right now.

Octomom. If they had a baby.

2009-08-01T09:03:00.000-07:00

If Fiona Apple and Alanis Morissette had a baby, they'd end up with Nadya Denise Doud-Suleman Gutierrez.

Irony, Nude Photos.

2009-07-26T08:44:00.000-07:00

I think the irony of the whole Michael Jackson "thing" is that his eldest son is so God-damned cute.
If I was a pedophile, I would probably want to fuck him.

When is Brian Austin Green gonna release the naked pictures he took of Megan Fox during their 6-year relationship? We know he has some. And, we know he has alot of money from his years on Beverly Hills 90210, but, please Brian, give us your photos of Megan...her cooch shots, titties, full body nude, provocative poses...perhaps, some BJ shots.
Is he not a vengeful, jealous ex? If not, he should be. We'd appreciate it.

Moon Landing.

2009-07-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

If they faked the moon landing, you know a woman was in charge because it seemed real to me.

My Tribute to Michael Jackson.

2009-07-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

As a tribute to MJ, I am going to go out and bang as many hot-ass, sexy chicks as I can.
I am gonna make 'em moan with ecstasy, purr with pleasure, beg for more and lust for me.
We are gonna roll around in the sack and devour eachother. The passion, the thrill, the heat...will be unbearable - well, not really, it will be bearable. It will only leave us wanting more. In, out, up, down, all around.
Fellatio, cunnilingus, anal, oral, 69, foreplay (this should be a the start of this sentence), caressing, teasing, sweating...going all nite.
I am doing this because I think it is what Michael would want.

RIP

I got 3 words for you...

2009-06-29T09:46:00.000-07:00

Go fuck yourself. Shall we begin? Let's get started. Drop the needle. Drop dead gorgeous. Drop your drawers. Give and go. Go away home. Bow your head. Let us pray. Praise the Lord. Fuck the world. Wear a condom. Blow me dry. Call me dusty. Feel my pain. Settle the score. Nice putt, Alliss. No means no. Four more years. Bait and switch. Shake your booty. Catch and release. Compile a list. Stock the shelves. No parking anytime. Check the facts. Walk the walk. Talk the talk. Release the hounds. Settle the score. Bone up, baby. Set the table. Suck my wake. Eat my dust. Eat my shit. Eat my pussy. Butter your muffin. Steal the show. Fuck my pussy. Fuck me harder. No means harder. Wives and girlfriends. Sign here, please. Watch your mouth. Follow my lead. Follow the leader. Turn it up. Tune in tomorrow. Answer the phone. Pull the trigger. Pull my finger. Pull a prank. Pull no punches. Spike the punch. Punch the clock. Punch and Judy. Shirk your responsibility. Wag the dog. Fuck the dog. Screw the pooch. Frequently Asked Questions. Swallow your pride. Pride and prejudice. Lessen the blow. At all costs. To the finish. Make ends meet. Shut your hole. Shut the door. Fly the coop. Fly the skies. Skis 'n boots. Boots or Hearts. Trip and fall. Call the number. Join the forces. Fshizzle my dizzle. Rub my back. Here, drink this. Burp and fart. Call the cops. Here I am. Where are you? Over the moon. Over the mountain. Get over yourself. Get a life. Close the door. Open a window. Light a match. Spin the wheel. I miss you. I love you. Hugs and kisses. Rape and pillage. Spit or swallow. Coffee or tea. Cash or credit. Red or white. She's a beauty. Take a chance. Live it up. Just do it. This is stupid. Consider the facts. What's the plan? Leave your mark. Take a picture. Read my lips. Go for it. Sink the ship. Buy a vowel. Let it ride. Let 'er rip. Tip a cow. Tip your server. Get me one. Take a shit. Drop a load. Float a log. Float a tuna. Root beer float. Ebony and Ivory. Cream and sugar. Bob and weave. Hit and run. Mix it up. Let me out. Dare to compare. Chew the fat. Shoot the breeze. Shoot the shit. Shoot the moon. Shoot the messenger. File a complaint. Count your blessings. Write this down. Put it away. Put it in. Slide it in. Lick it up. Spark it up. All lit up. Heaven's on fire. Snap, Crackle, Pop. A sizable donation. Flip the bird. Gain your composure. Clean your plate. Clean your clock. Clean your room. Room to move. The big picture. Flush the toilet. Brush your teeth. Powder your nose. Run for it. Break the chain. Break a leg. Break the monotony. Break and enter. Ain't my job. Ain't my kid. Ain't my problem. Ain't love grand? Rest in peace. It's 'Go' time. Send a text. File under 'G'. Open it up. Ask your mum. Shake the bug. Rock the establishment. Rock the boat. Rock the vote. Rock and Roll. Who's got tickets? Pile it on. Chuck you, Farley. Ham it up. Ham and Swiss. Hammy the hamster. Stop the presses. Cut your losses. Cut it out. Cut the cord. Boil some water. Stand and deliver. Hustle and flow. Twist and shout. Dog eat dog. Hang 'em high. Till the end. In the end. End it now. Our dearly departed. With deepest regret. Get a job. Cut your hair. Ride to live. Live to ride. Around the bend. Down the street. Down a beer. Run with it. On the run. Runnin' on empty. Fire it up. Have a pull. Take a drag. Cross your legs. Follow that car. Way back when. Fix your hair. Fix your package. Get your fix. Jump the fence. Jump the shark. Jump your bones. Blow your wad. Blow your nose. Blow your man. Light it up. Time will tell. Lick your wounds. Lickin' my chops. A better offer. Or best offer. Tax and tip. Tax and spend. Go for it. Ride the rocket. Yo Yo Yo. Yo Yo Ma. Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk. Up your kilt. Send a card. File your taxes. Step on it. Spare some change? Change your underwear. Buy and sell. Crash and burn. At your request. Available upon request. Jerk yourself off. Sit 'n spin. Stop and go. Stop the insanity. Jump for joy. Hail a cab. Cop a feel. Cops and robbers. Go to bed. Binge and purge. Grievous bodily harm. Stop that man. I hear ya. As per you. Flip 'em over. Spruce it up. Fuck it up. Fuck it altogether. Blow your mind. Ready, Aim, Fire. Ready the troops. Take your man. Cover your man. Shave your pussy. Shave her pussy. Suck my balls. Slice of bread. Bread and water. Bottle of pop. Bag of chips. Pop and chips. Fork and knife. Spaghetti and meatballs. Fish and chips. Burger and fries. HP and CB. Fuck me now. Fuck me hard. Cut the crap. Cut the lawn. Rake the lawn. Mow the lawn. Push it in. Pull it out. Pull the shoot. Pull your goalie. Pulled pork sandwiches. Flash your badge. Flash your tits. Whip 'em out. Shake 'em, baby. Stir the pot. Smoke some pot. Pot-bellied pig. Smoke my pole. Roll a joint. Puff, puff, pass. Pass the puck. Stick 'n puck. Stick 'em up. Up the ante. Lock and load. Follow your nose. Follow your heart. Location, location, location. Wrap it up. (Remember that one.) Pick your nose. Know your shit. Start the stopwatch. Watch my back. Watch your back. Fly the coop. Storm the barricades. Press your luck. Pass the buck. What the fuck? No such luck. Back me up. Spank the monkey. Choke your chicken. Bleed my lizard. Maintain your buzz. Kill your buzz. Buzz the tower. Past the post. You're an idiot. I've had enough. I gotta go. Just one mo'.

Where is the other glove?, Rihanna's new boyfriend and so much more. Actually, nothing more.

2009-06-26T12:04:00.000-07:00

Where is Michael Jackson's other glove? Did he have a condom on when he was sleeping with those kids?

What's with the head on Rihanna's new boyfriend? That's f'in destiny.
I wanna see the offspring from that pair.

From Bailout to Payout - Citigoup.

2009-04-29T05:10:00.000-07:00

Another slap in the face to the taxpayer - Citigroup wants to hand out bonuses to certain workers, after receiving $45 billion to save their asses.
They, at least, provide two excuses, er, reasons:
1.They need to pay retention bonuses to demoralized workers. (Huh? Having a job should keep them moralized.)
2.Inability to pay will make them vulnerable to poaching by competitors. (Ditto on the 'Huh?'. What competitors? What jobs?)
When do they not get a bonus? Times are good - bonus. Times are bad - bonus.
I keep up on the news and current affairs, and do not recall any poaching going on in the banking industry or any industry, for that matter. (An example of poaching would be nice.) It's called getting a new job. (I started one recently and I wasn't poached. I was offered the position and accepted.) As well, people accept new positions all the time, regardless of the economy. And, don't forget the thousands that were laid off. Any business would love to be in that position. Get rid of a huge salary and bring in someone who will do just as good of a job, but for less dollars. These companies should be using this time to 'thin the herd' and increase the quality of their workforce. The pool of candidates must be immense.
We have to do away with these myths/excuses/reasons and other BS thrust upon us by people in this industry and related industries. They feel they are above reproach and their intellect is so superior, that we (the masses) shouldn't question their motives, decisions or actions. Look where that got us.
Everyone, and I mean everyone, is expendable.

I got 3 words for you...

2009-04-18T09:26:00.001-07:00

Go fuck yourself. Shall we begin? Let's get started. Drop the needle. Drop dead gorgeous. Drop your drawers. Give and go. Go away home. Bow your head. Let us pray. Praise the Lord. Fuck the world. Wear a condom. Blow me dry. Call me dusty. Feel my pain. Settle the score. Nice putt, Alliss. No means no. Four more years. Bait and switch. Shake your booty. Catch and release. Compile a list. Stock the shelves. No parking anytime. Check the facts. Walk the walk. Talk the talk. Release the hounds. Settle the score. Bone up, baby. Set the table. Suck my wake. Eat my dust. Eat my shit. Eat my pussy. Butter your muffin. Steal the show. Fuck my pussy. Fuck me harder. No means harder. Wives and girlfriends. Sign here, please. Watch your mouth. Follow my lead. Follow the leader. Turn it up. Tune in tomorrow. Answer the phone. Pull the trigger. Pull my finger. Pull a prank. Pull no punches. Spike the punch. Punch the clock. Punch and Judy. Shirk your responsibility. Clean your clock. Wag the dog. Fuck the dog. Screw the pooch. Frequently Asked Questions. Swallow your pride. Pride and prejudice. Lessen the blow. At all costs. To the finish. Make ends meet. Shut your hole. Shut the door. Just shut up. Fly the coop. Fly the skies. Skis 'n boots. Boots or Hearts. Trip and fall. Call the number. Eat my pussy. Join the forces. Fshizzle my dizzle. Rub my back. Here, drink this. Smoke my pole. Burp and fart. Call the cops. Here I am. Where are you? Over the moon. Over the mountain. Get over yourself. Get a life. Close the door. Open a window. Light a match. Spin the wheel. I miss you. I love you. Hugs and kisses. Rape and pillage. Spit or swallow. Coffee or tea. Cash or credit. Red or white. She's a beauty. Take a chance. Live it up. Just do it. This is stupid. Consider the facts. What's the plan?Leave your mark. Take a picture. Read my lips. Pull a prank. Run with it. Go for it. Sink the ship. Buy a vowel. Let it ride. Let 'er rip. Tip a cow. Tip your server. Get me one. Take a shit. Drop a load. Float a log. Float a tuna. Root beer float. Ebony and Ivory. Cream and sugar. Bob and weave. Hit and run. Mix it up. Let me out. Dare to compare. Chew the fat. Shoot the breeze. Shoot the shit. Shoot the moon. Shoot the messenger. File a complaint. Count your blessings. Write this down. Put it away. Put it in. Slide it in. Lick it up. Spark it up. All lit up. Heaven's on fire. Snap, Crackle, Pop. A sizable donation. Flip the bird. Gain your composure. Clean your plate. Clean your clock. Clean your room. Room to move. The big picture. Flush the toilet. Brush your teeth. Powder your nose. Run for it. Cut the cord. Boil some water. Break the chain. Break a leg. Break the monotony. Break and enter. Ain't my job. Ain't my kid. Ain't my problem. Ain't love grand? Rest in peace. It's 'Go' time. Send a text. File under 'G'. Open it up. Ask your mum. Shake the bug. Rock the establishment. Rock the boat. Rock the vote. Rock and Roll. Who's bot tickets? Stir the pot. Pile it on. Chuck you, Farley. Ham it up. Ham and Swiss. Hammy the hamster. Stop the presses. Cut your losses. Cut it out. Cut the cord. Boil some water. Stand and deliver. Hustle and flow. Twist and shout. Dog eat dog. Hang 'em high. Till the end. In the end. End it now. Our dearly departed. With deepest regret. Get a job. Cut your hair. Ride to live. Live to ride. Around the bend. Down the street. Down a beer. Run with it. On the run. Runnin' on empty. Fire it up. Have a pull. Take a drag. Cross your legs. Follow that car. In the end. At the drive-in. Way back when. Fix your hair. Fix your package. Get your fix. Jump the fence. Jump the shark. Jump your bones. Blow your wad. Blow your nose. Blow your man. Light it up. Time will tell. Follow your nose. Lick your wounds. Lickin' my chops. A better offer. Or best offer. Tax and tip. Tax and spend. Go for it. Ride the rocket. Yo Yo Yo. Yo Yo Ma. Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk. Up your kilt. Send a card. File your taxes. Step on it. Spare some change? Change your underwear. Buy and sell. Crash and burn. At your request. Available upon request. Jerk yourself off. Sit 'n spin. Stop and go. Stop the insanity. Jump for joy. Hail a cab. Cop a feel. Cops and robbers. Go to bed. Binge and purge. Grievous Bodily Harm. Stop that man. I hear ya. As per you. Flip 'em over. Spruce it up. Fuck it up. Fuck it altogether. Blow your mind. Ready, Aim, Fire. Ready the troops. Take your man. Cover your man. Shave your pussy. Shave her pussy. Suck my balls. Break a leg. Slice of bread. Bread and water. Bottle of pop. Bag of chips. Pop and chips. Fork and knife. Spaghetti and meatballs. Fish and chips. Burger and fries. HP and CB. Fuck me now. Fuck me hard. Cut the crap. Cut the lawn. Rake the lawn. Mow the lawn. Push it in. Pull it out. Pull the shoot. Pull your goalie. Pulled pork sandwiches. Flash your badge. Flash your tits. Whip 'em out. Shake 'em, baby. Stir the pot. Smoke some pot. Pot-bellied pig. Smoke my pole. Roll a joint. Puff, puff, pass. Pass the puck. Stick and puck. Stick 'em up. Up the ante. Lock and load. Follow your nose. Follow your heart. Location, location, location. Wrap it up. (Remember that one.) Pick your nose. Know your shit. Start the stopwatch. Butter your muffin. Watch my back. Watch your back. Fly the coop. Storm the barricades. Press your luck. Pass the buck. What the fuck? No such luck. Fuck the dog. Screw the pooch. Know your shit. Back me up. Drop me off. Drop the needle. Spank the monkey. Choke your chicken. Bleed my lizard. Maintain your buzz. Kill your buzz. Buzz the tower. Give and go. Past the post. You're an idiot. I've had enough. I gotta go. Just one mo'.

Playing the system.

2009-04-06T05:36:00.000-07:00

I read about a woman being deported to the Middle East for illegally entering Canada and, subsequently, having her refugee application denied.

Well, it turns out, she still wants to stay (a bit of advice - follow the proper procedures and you probably have a better chance) and she has spoken about her estranged husband killing her (an honour killing) when she is returned to Pakistan.

I have so many questions right now (I don't expect she would provide any straight answers, as they probably wouldn't jive with her sob story and, thus, no one would feel sorry for her), but here are two, for starters:

1. You entered Canada illegally and did not inform Canadian officials. Why did you keep in touch with a man who is going to murder you? Not only that, you give him specifics about your life that will help him find you and kill you. (I can just imagine the Facebook or Twitter note - "Hi jerk, I am being deported from Canada back to Pakistan on April 28. I arrive at 2:00 p.m. (Pakistani Standard Time). Please meet me there and then lop my head off. Hate, Aneesh P.S. I'll be wearing my best burqa and hijab.)

2.As murder (honour killing or not) is illegal in Pakistan, why doesn't she try going to the authorities? Better yet, stay away from your murderous husband.

Playing on people's sympathies is pretty low and it seems this is the lastest 'game' played by immigrants trying desperately to stay in our country illegally. It seems so many of them conjure up stories of persecution/prosecution in hopes of being allowed to stay in Canada on humanitarian grounds.

It follows 'hot-on-the-heels' of the other great 'game' - 'Where's my passport?'. That's where a wannabe refugee boards a plane, boat...whatever in their home country with a passport and, somewhere along the line, they lose said passport and attempt to seek refugee status in Canada. It worked very well, as their immigration system is full of corruption, holes, weak laws and little enforcement. They can lay the blame for their immigration mess on Pierre Elliot Trudeau (but that's a whole other blog and I have no interest in writing it.)
I have travelled out of country many, many times and not once have I lost my passport.

Rihanna - Gangbanger?? What a shame!!

2009-04-02T03:52:00.000-07:00

Love the new tattoo. Idiot!! What a role model!!
And she originally wanted one on each shoulder. WTF?

I love the spin, as well. It's a "protective" tattoo. From what?
Maybe she should have got a couple of "protective" fists and a set of "protective" teeth tattooed on her face and that big shiny forehead of hers, in case CB comes around again...ready for round 2. Ding, Ding!!

I hear she is also getting a "protective" line of coke tattooed right under her nose and a "protective" rape scene tattooed right above her pussy.

I don't know what else to say about this skank.

(Imagine if Marshall Bruce Mathers III got a gun tattoo? Stop the presses. All we would hear is that he is promoting 'gun violence'. And, how about MIA's 'Paper Planes' with it's gunshot 'chymes' in the chorus. I don't think I heard a word about that. "There's a war in Iraq.", she says. Stuff a hijab in it, MIA.)

Annoyer of the Week.

2009-03-30T15:21:00.001-07:00

It' s your choice.
Beyonce Knowles or Miley Cyrus.
I need your help because I can't decide.
Just send an email with your vote and I will tally them.
Results will be announced in exactly one week.
Use the following to help you vote:

Beyonce Knowles annoying bitch rant, I mean, song, 'Put a ring on it'.
Is this twat just trying to incite a riot between men and women? Goddamn, bitch, shut up. Imagine this filthy rich cunt antagonizing women just to sell a record.

Miley Cyrus' fake emotional outburst at the (100% commercial) Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards. To use Miley-speak, 'Gag me with a spoon'. Who puts her up to this? Just another manipulated teen star trying to manipulate her fans.
I see alcohol, drugs and (probably) porn in her future. Does her Dad not have any control over her? What other normal 16, 17 year-old acts like this? None. Therefore, not normal. Absolutely not grounded. I can't wait for the porno.

Reminds of that knucklehead Ashlee Simpson. You remember her, the one with the buggered-up nose. Got a nose job because she looked the opposite of her sister - not-hot.
I remember her (happily, gladly, idiotically) stating she would go into a fast-food restaurant and order, like, everything and take a bite of each because she couldn't decide what to get. OMG, who raised this wench? Oh, I forgot, Joe Simpson - the one who commented on his older daughter's tits and said it was hard to hold those babies in.
I would not hit a woman, but it would be nice to bitchslap each of them.

Stranded on a desert island - My 3 albums.

2009-03-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

Black Sabbath - Paranoid
The The - Soul Mining
The Cult - Love
Van Halen - Diver Down

Presidential Eats.

2009-03-21T08:50:00.000-07:00

I just read about Barack Obama's favourite foods when he is in Hawaii. Good to know he likes burgers, sno-cones and plate lunches. F'in fascinating, isn't it?
The article made it sound like the Hawaiians invented putting food on a plate.
Gee whiz, who woulda thunk to put a protein (chicken or beef), a carb (rice or potatoes) and a third item on a plate, then have someone eat it? WTF? The rest of the world calls it lunch, Barry. You and the people of Hawaii should, too.
I had steak today, served on a plate with a baked potato and sauteed mushrooms. It was 6:30 p.m., so I called it dinner, not a plate dinner.

Anyhow, just some of the ridiculous stuff we have to put up with when talking about the new president. Probably because he is half-black. (Funny, no one mentions the white woman who raised him, just the neglectful, absentee father who saw his son only once from 1964 until his death in 1982 - in 1971, when he was 10. It was a shotgun wedding, too.)

And another thing, Michelle Obama commented that -
"You can't really understand Barack until you understand Hawaii."

Well, I thought it would be fun to play with that quote (mainly because it is so utterly ridiculous - another WTF?).

"You can't really understand Barack until"-

1. you suck his dick.
2. you shave your ass with a cheese grater and squat in a bowl of gin.
3. you've had a 3some with him and McCain.
4. he gives you a 'King Kamehameha' first thing in the morning.
5. you have been married to him since October 3, 1992.
6. you enjoy plate jobs as much as you enjoy plate lunches.
7. - 10. I can't think of anymore right now and I am tired.

Maybe she likes being beaten.

2009-02-28T16:00:00.000-08:00

Rihanna is a large-foreheaded, beautifully-voiced, possibly gang-banging stupid twat. Judging by the welts, bruises, cuts and bleeding on her face, she was hit a number of times by CB.
I will not feel sorry for her after the next beating.
It's coming. This guy has problems. 19 and beating women?!
Studies, experience and history show guys like this don't change and this was only the first act of violence towards her - the first we know about.
We read about incidents such as this quiet often - celebrity, but mostly the general public.
Unfortunately, the article is usually about the death of a woman at the hands of her lover after staying with him despite previous episodes of domestic violence.

Chris Brown...Neanderthal?

2009-02-14T06:51:00.000-08:00

Take a look at this guy. Neanderthal?...Cro-Magnon?
Check out the side view. That f'in forehead jutting out. Eyes a little bit sunken.
I'm not saying his caveman features had anything to do with the physical altercation with Rhianna, I'm just saying.

While I'm at it, what is with that forehead on Rihanna (and why doesn't anyone talk about it)?
You could screen a movie on that.
She need 10" bangs to cover it up.
She looks like a descendant of Tweety Bird.

Don't Call Your Child 'Kid'.

2009-02-14T06:37:00.001-08:00

A while back, I was speaking with a friend about making plans to hook up.
He said he couldn't because, as he put it, "I gotta go pick up my kid".
That sounds f'in awful.
Believe it or not, your children deserve your respect.
When referring to them, use their name, say 'my girl' or 'my little girl', or use the word 'daughter'. Use the respective terms for your boy.
When you say 'kid', it sounds like you don't love them (at the very least, something along those lines) and they are a burden to you.

Stop it.

What I Hate About Tony Soprano and a few other (non-Soprano) things.

2008-12-09T05:23:00.000-08:00

I love 'The Sopranos', but I f'ing hate it when Tony eats an ice cream sundae - and we have all seen him eat a few. He stirs and chops, and stirs and chops some more, before finally putting the loaded spoon in his mouth. BRB. I just looked up idiosyncrasy on the internet and I think his playing with the ice cream is an idiosyncrasy that he possesses and my dislike of him f'ing with his dessert too much is my idiosyncrasy. Always looks like a good sundae, though.

Another think I hate (an idiosyncrasy?) is when people cut up their spaghetti (or any long-noodled pasta) before they start eating. That is a put-off. You don't need to use a spoon (I don't), just twirl the pasta on your fork and shove it in your mouth. Don't get fork and knife in hand, and proceed to chop up the noodles before shovelling them in your mouth with your fork. There shouldn't be a knife at your place setting for pasta anyhow...well, maybe lasagna.

One last thing...learn how to hold/use a fork and knife properly. Incorrect cutlery usage is another huge put-off for me. To try and put the proper way to hold/use cutlery into words would be impossible; you need the visual. But, I will tell you this. Don't ever hold your fork (when cutting something, like a steak) like a person would hold a knife when they are going to stab someone - like in the movie 'Psycho'. It's not proper and makes an individual look like they weren't raised right.

Don't Start Walking At 50...

2008-11-20T10:27:00.000-08:00

Start running at 20.